Wednesday, May 23, 2012

When to Let Go?

I have noticed that I am getting more and more attached to Aston that I can't let go of him. I mean besides from his usual weekly sleep over at grandmama's house, other than that I can't imagine myself leaving him with some one else while I do my own thing. As I mentioned in my previous entry, sometimes I do go bonkers when Aston is clingy and whiny the whole day. Then when I thought about returning to work all this negative thoughts come haunting me. Actually, why I suddenly thought of returning to work is because recently I realised that I am getting more and more impatient with Aston to the extend that I felt like hitting him or sadly slapping him did came to my mind for that spur of the moment. I thought that perhaps having such thought is not right as a mother which brings me to the big question should I return to work? Well, I did imagine returning to my previous job then when I imagine how my son is I just told myself forget it. Even if I get a helper I will not fully trust her until she proves to me otherwise. Even if she had proven she is capable I just cannot imagine what is going on at home without any supervision from some one that I can trust. I mean a helper is a helper. Just like for instance today, I was feeding Aston some steam rice when we were having our dinner and then I saw something that shouldn't even belong in the bowl! I found a freaking worm in the rice!! Luckily, I somehow manage to spot it and stop feeding Aston. I just completely lost my appetite. I mean come on a worm! My FIL saw me fiddling with the spoon because I was trying to make sure what I saw is really what I saw and asked me what is it and I told him there is a worm in the rice. He said that it's cook and it's extra nutrient. Or something to that effect because to me a worm be it dead or alive in your food is just foul! Anyway, I answered him politely that once I see it I don't like it. Then he started saying some worm from I don't know what tree is as thick as a human thumb and it tastes sweet. I just told him I am afraid of worms. So back to my point, how do you let go and trust your helper especially when there is a little one involved...? Looks like I am stuck with my precious son till the day he decides that he can take care of himself. So Aston, please don't be so whiny mummy still can't figure out your baby talk so sometimes I really don't know what you are unhappy about.

Blogging From the iPad

Gosh! I didn't realised that blogging from the iPad the outcome will be so different. I mean look at my previous entry no paragraph at all when I actually did. I didn't know that once publish is not as per what I've written. I can't upload any photos too. Oh well, daddy said that the installer for unifi is coming next week. Fingers cross hopefully our wifi will be back in action so that I can update my applications and use the laptop instead and upload some photos of Aston. Oh by the way, can someone teach me how to do watermark on the photos? It seems that people can just take the photo and use it elsewhere without getting your permission! How rude!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Mummy Lost Touch In Blogging

I've been so lazy lately...well not lately it has been three months since I last blog...I just couldn't make myself log in to blog. I enjoy reading other people's blog by the way so YES i've been on the internet but just not in blogspot. I think the major issue was due to Astro on Demand. Hahaha excuses! Excuses! Well I think that contributed about 20% of my laziness. The balance were either not much ME time during the day and by night I am exhausted. Aston just turned 14 months by the way. So for mummies out there you can imagine at this stage where they just started walking and enjoying every step of it that at times they decided to run and then they trip and the loud "wAhhhhhhh" begins. They also enjoy walking so much that they just look at their own feet or at their toys that they are holding and BANG into the wall or a piece of furniture! Recently, Aston even manage to climb up the sofa! He knows how to come down leg first but I am just worried one day he may fall from the arms of the sofa because they are quite low. So now I officially have an active toddler at home. Aston still can't call mummy or daddy. He babbles all sorts of sounds throughout the day but none of it makes any sense to me. There was once daddy scolded him for touching something that he shouldn't touch he started babbling away till he cried! The tone of his voice was like "why are you scolding me all the time? I didn't do anything wrong! I just want to see what is that thing" Then he cried and come running to mummy. I saw the whole scenario it was so funny I wish I had my phone with me at that time so I can record it. Yeah now he is like my shadow. I must be seen ALL the time! I can't even go to the toilet in peace because nowadays the moment I get up he will start making noise and come running and hug my legs. It was a very sudden change in him. I really hope this is just a phase called separation anxiety as per the book and it will pass real soon otherwise I am going bonkers! At times like this I wish I am back at work! Now I really understand why some mothers prefer to be at work. If it is like this all the time oh gosh I am gonna tell daddy that i QUIT! Well, that is all for now. Hopefully, I can get the momentum going again....