Friday, April 22, 2011

Full Time Mama??

While I was still pregnant friends kept asking whether I could handle being a full time mum and my answer was always YES! Why Not? Perhaps judging from my character where I must say I'm not entirely a homely person... girlfriends of mine have doubts that I will be able to handle it.  Some said I will be bored.. while some said I will just go outright crazy and my husband thinks I will be a typical 'Aunty' being out of the society.

Well, this whole week I've been taking care of Aston alone while hubby went to work and as days goes by I feel more reluctant to return to work.  The satisfaction of taking care of my son there's just no words to describe it.  Of course there are hours where I felt helpless but the moment I overcome it I felt tired but with a great deal of satisfaction.

I must say life is pretty much a routine day in day out.  Although I must say till date I've yet to bath him and cut his fingernails.  I've left this two precious moments for daddy to have some man to man bonding.

8am       Change diapers & feed & put him to sleep
10am     Change diapers & bath (if daddy can wake up early) & feed & put him to sleep
1230pm Change diapers & tummy time (if Aston's in the mood) & feed & put him to sleep
430pm  Change diapers & tummy time (if earlier didn't manage to) & feed & put him to sleep
730pm  Change diapers & play & feed & put him to sleep

Usually around 7.30 -8.00 when he wakes up from his sleep things will be a bit cuckoo in the house.  After going through the same routine ie. change & feed he will refused to sleep and not in the mood to play.  At times he will sleep for one hour or so and wakes up cranky and he will maintain he's foul mood till midnight most of the days.  Usually when daddy comes home around 9-ish, after he freshen up he will take over and try put him to sleep while I'll try to catch up on my sleep and express breast milk.  Then the routine will start again depending on what time is the last feed.  A typical routine will be

3am Change diapers & feed
5am Change diapers & feed

And the cycle continues again at 8am.  Well, as for mummy's time I'll freshen up after I put him to sleep at 10am while daddy will also go out to get us brunch and my dinner.  After that, I'll switch on the radio to relax and logged into facebook and MSN while google-ing to see what better ways I can handle Aston especially when he's cranky or what is Aston's development etc.  At about 4.00pm I'll express milk and by 5.30pm I'll start to heat up my dinner and eat while watching TVB.  Ahhh what a life until I hear a cry and reality sets in again!

Well, judging from the above the only drawback is when will I ever get my Chai Latte from Coffee Bean and gossip sessions??? What happen to having dinner with friends follow by drinks? Will my social life be like before? I certainly hope so as I seriously do not want to lose that part of me but if perhaps I have a helper to take care of Aston then perhaps I can still have my social life back but if I have a helper and I am able to go out why not continue work?? So the question remains as full time mama or working mama?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Confinement is Tough!

Traditionally, chinese believes that after giving birth you need to go through a month of confinement which  personally some of the "rules" of confinement I find it quite ridiculous.  Having said that, I was lucky enough to have my mum as my "confinement" lady which means I am able to break some of the rules.  Anyway, even during my pregnancy I tried to mentally prepared myself to go through it however in reality is tougher that I thought.

Confinement rules include:-
1. Only red dates drink is allowed as a replacement of water
2. No shower & hair wash is allowed
3. Do not carry heavy items (inclusive of pouring a cup of red dates water from the flask)
4. Do not touch water direct from tap.  (only boiled water is allowed)
5. No fan is allowed
6. No chicken and eggs allowed (only applicable to C-Sect)

Well, I actually observed the above rules for 10days and that 10 days was a very tough 10 days.  I felt so disgusted with myself because I was dirty and smelly with bad breath! Even though, I was allowed to just "wipe" my body as a form of cleansing it wasn't good enough.  The first time, my mum boiled me some herbs to wipe...I regretted it.  It made my body sweat even more and I felt so hot after that and I got really frustrated all the time.  After that, I just use boiled water and the more I take my "wipe" the more frustrated I got in the bathroom because it just doesn't do any good at the end of the day! At the same time, my head felt like there's a huge rock sitting on it because it felt so heavy.  My hair was oily and smelly.  It came to a point where I don't even bother combing my hair! As for my bad breath... because I cannot touch tap water I had to rely on my hubby to pour me some boiled water into a mineral water bottle for me to brush my teeth.  It was very torturing because I had to ration the water to make sure it's enough for the whole ordeal ie to rinse my mouth, wash my toothbrush and my mouth and hands! Needless to say with that I didn't even bother washing my face as how clean can it get without splashes of water on it! This rule really hit me hard.  I mean can you imagine every time after using the toilet I had  to pour boiled water over my hand as form of cleaning! Honestly, I didn't even use any soap because there's only so much boiled water one can get in a day.  At the end of the day, I had to rely on hand sanitiser to clean my hands before touching my baby.  With all this negativity in me plus the stuffiness of my house because all the windows were closed plus the heat I was one frustrated and depressed mama!

Around the 8th day or so I beginning to feel really down and depressed.  At times, I will just cry for no reason and this lasted for a few days.  I will give excuses to friends who wanted to visit me saying that I'm tired or about to sleep so that they will not come over to see me.  All I did was just lie on my bed and went online when my baby is asleep.  At times when it gets really bad I will just cry my heart out silently  without anyone knowing.  This went on for a few days until one day hubby found out because I couldn't control my emotions anymore.  Hubby was very supportive and consoled me.  I also decided to confide in a friend through SMS because I just couldn't make myself talk on the phone.

I finally get to shower and go on with life as a normal human being ie I no longer need to use boiled water to wash my hands! Hooray! I felt much better after things gradually turn back to normal.  Although, I still feel sticky and hot all the time at the very least I manage to wash my hair not daily but better than nothing.

Today is 23rd day of my confinement.  I told myself that I will only observe 28days.  I can't wait for all this to be over.  Honestly, I will definitely think twice whether to have another child or not as I seriously do not want to go through this terrible experience again.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Easy Pregnancy = Hard Labour??

18 March 2011 is the most memorable day in my life.  It started of just like any other day... where we've made plans to go down to Petaling Street for Dim Sum at Yuk Woo Hin.  Didn't really fancy the dim sums there because they were a bit bland.  I guess they do cater to the older generations in view of the history of this restaurant. 

Anyway, after breakfast we went home and hubby went to work.  I was contemplating whether to drive myself to Mid Valley to attend the Baby Fair or to get myself facial before I go into labour.  While I was being indecisive and watching TV at the same time all of a sudden I felt a sudden gash of discharge expelled out from below.  I quickly jumped out of bed hoping that I it will not leave any stain and quickly ran into the toilet only to realised that it wasn't the normal discharge.  It was water! As I sat on the toilet bowl water was still coming out from below but I couldnt tell whether was it urine or my waterbag just broke!? Anyway, I decided to call hubby home and get to the hospital to check it out. I quickly get into the shower thinking that this could be my last shower for the month! Hubby reached home really quick! It was quite funny at that point where I was calm because I still don't know what to expect and for him could tell that he's adrenalin must be pumping real hard!

So we arrived at the hospital slightly before noon and went straight into the labour ward.  The nurses got me changed to the hospital gown and they fasten the machine onto my belly to monitor baby's heartbeat and contractions.  The midwife came in to check my below and it was painful!! She confirmed that my waterbag really broke.  After lunch, the doctor came and I had to go through the same check up down below and I was practically biting the blanket! Anyway, the doctor said that he's still very high up and she don't forsee that he will be out anytime soon.  She said to give it till tomorrow morning and we'll decide what to do.  In the meantime she asked me to walk more hopefully baby will come down.  So I got changed and started walking around the hospital with hubby.  We even walked the staircase floor by floor.  By evening, I started to feel some contractions.  The pain was bearable and I thought this isn't so bad to start of with.   Anyway, hubby was getting a bit worried and told me that I should consider C-Sect if baby is still not engaged when the doctor comes back to do her final rounds.  He was explaining that if we wait till tomorrow and things are still not happening and end up performing C-Sect we might as well tell the doctor ahead rather than waiting till the last minute where things get even more complicated.  I fully agreed with him...but deep down I was still hoping that I do not need to go under the knife....At about 6pm the doctor came and did her final check on me for the day and told me that baby is still not moving and she feels that the chances of him moving is very slim even if I wait till tomorrow as such the chances of me delivering him naturally is also very slim.  Therefore, she suggested that I deliver him through C-Sect today.

The moment the doctor told me that my heart was racing.  First, I was afraid of the epidural.  Then I was afraid of the pain after the operation... the catheter...After that I was worried about removing stitches.  Being under the knife is just outright scarry! Anyhow, the doctor manage to convince me.  Well is not like I have a choice really! But since hubby is allow to be inside with me I just thought that I have him as my support. 

Once I confirm I wanted to deliver via C-Sect they did all the necessary preparation.  They wheeled me to first floor where all the operation theaters are.  Hubby was not with me at this point in time.  First stop was to get my drips in which I also I thought it was going to be painful having a needle stuck in me all the time but it was not as bad as I thought it would be.  Then it was the epidural I know it because the anaesthetist asked me to lie on my side and curled up like a prawn.  I guess the nurse saw my frightened face and came to hold on to me while I close my eyes and hold on tight to the pillow and keep telling myself that everything will be OK.  I won't feel a thing after this and I get to see my baby finally! I must say that feeling was one that I will never forget! The pain I would say is as painful as getting the local anaesthetic when I had my wisdom tooth removed but only the pain was much longer...well a minute or two longer.  After that my feet start to get pins and needles and before I know it my bottom half was already numb and I was shivering really bad which is one of the side effects of epidural. 

After that, they wheeled me to the operation theater and I still don't see my hubby! Doctor came and told me that after they set up everything they will get my hubby in.  While they were setting up they insert the catheter which I didn't feel a thing.  After that, I saw hubby and what a relief! Doctor then asked if I felt anything because apparently she was actually pinching me really hard.  So the operation started... I don't even dare to look up because I could see the reflection on the light.  I just had my eyes looking at hubby... first he was pretty reassuring then all of a sudden he's eyes got bigger and started to see the whole procedure instead!!! After about 10 minutes or so, my baby boy is out! Suddenly I felt relieved to the extend that I actually felt sleepy.  Maybe because I know everything will be OK.  Hubby then follow baby to the nursery while doctor stitched me up and I got so worried that I might doozed off I fight to stay awake throughout the whole procedure.  At about 7.50pm I'm out of the operation theater while they did some observation.  They put a heater on top of me because I felt so cold and was shivering uncontrollablly.  Finally, they wheeled me back to the maternity ward still can't feel my legs.  I had 3 blankets and I'm still shivering.  After all that, I felt pretty tired and yet I can't sleep. 

Hubby told me that baby's heartbeat is a little bit irregular and the pediatrician said to put him in the incubator for observation.  The doctor suspect that he's body just not accustomed to the outside temperature.  They place a heater in the incubator to keep him warm hopefully that will regulate his heartbeat.  At about 3am hubby went to check on him and the nurse said that he's heartbeat is back to normal and will be transferred to the normal nursery after the doctor check on him.

So back to my topic of is it true that if you have an easy pregnancy means you will go through hard labour? I mean my pregnancy was really easy compared to my friends...no morning sickness... I went for a holiday in Hong Kong... not much water retention and my belly only got really big towards the last month which  means I only had difficulty moving around in my last month.  But then again, C-Sect wasn't that bad if I think about.  I didn't have to endure long hours of contractions and pushing.  The only drawback is that the wound takes longer to heal.  Will I still want to go through natural birth for my next child ? I would think so.  Hey.. at least I know what epidural feels like now!