When to Let Go?

I have noticed that I am getting more and more attached to Aston that I can't let go of him. I mean besides from his usual weekly sleep over at grandmama's house, other than that I can't imagine myself leaving him with some one else while I do my own thing. As I mentioned in my previous entry, sometimes I do go bonkers when Aston is clingy and whiny the whole day. Then when I thought about returning to work all this negative thoughts come haunting me. Actually, why I suddenly thought of returning to work is because recently I realised that I am getting more and more impatient with Aston to the extend that I felt like hitting him or sadly slapping him did came to my mind for that spur of the moment. I thought that perhaps having such thought is not right as a mother which brings me to the big question should I return to work? Well, I did imagine returning to my previous job then when I imagine how my son is I just told myself forget it. Even if I get a helper I will not fully trust her until she proves to me otherwise. Even if she had proven she is capable I just cannot imagine what is going on at home without any supervision from some one that I can trust. I mean a helper is a helper. Just like for instance today, I was feeding Aston some steam rice when we were having our dinner and then I saw something that shouldn't even belong in the bowl! I found a freaking worm in the rice!! Luckily, I somehow manage to spot it and stop feeding Aston. I just completely lost my appetite. I mean come on a worm! My FIL saw me fiddling with the spoon because I was trying to make sure what I saw is really what I saw and asked me what is it and I told him there is a worm in the rice. He said that it's cook and it's extra nutrient. Or something to that effect because to me a worm be it dead or alive in your food is just foul! Anyway, I answered him politely that once I see it I don't like it. Then he started saying some worm from I don't know what tree is as thick as a human thumb and it tastes sweet. I just told him I am afraid of worms. So back to my point, how do you let go and trust your helper especially when there is a little one involved...? Looks like I am stuck with my precious son till the day he decides that he can take care of himself. So Aston, please don't be so whiny mummy still can't figure out your baby talk so sometimes I really don't know what you are unhappy about.