Lousy Mommy!

I had a rough day with Aston today and I must admit that I brought it upon myself.  Yes, it hit me hard today to make me realised how incompetent I am as a mother.  Aston woke up a little cranky this morning but it was manageable.  (I miss the 2 month old Aston where he greeted me with a warm smile every morning).  Anyway, I insist no matter how cranky Aston is I must follow strictly to our daily routine hoping that one day he will just get used to it.  I've also read a few websites that advices a routine makes babies calmer as they know what to expect.

Anyway, when he woke up this morning I knew that he was still tired but having trouble falling back to sleep.  I thought I could repeat what I did yesterday... well actually I wanted to repeat what I did yesterday because whatever I did yesterday worked very well for Aston.  So, I picked him up and took him out for a walk in the garden thinking that I can still put him back to sleep again after the walk because that's what happened yesterday.  Unfortunately, today I didn't manage to put him back to sleep.  He got even more cranky after the walk and the moment I lay him down he started to fuss and cry.  So I picked him up again and carried him for a while and tried putting him down again.  He cried again! By 10.30am I fed him and he calmed down.  I wanted to wait till 11am because that's what happened yesterday.  He finally took his nap at noon and at the back of my head because I wanted to repeat what I did yesterday so badly that I kept thinking his next feed will be at 5pm just like yesterday.

He woke up roughly about 2pm and I was thinking to myself that he will sleep again because he didn't manage to take his morning nap.  I tried comforting him and did what I could for him to fall back asleep but failed.  I picked him up and put him on his play gym and he wasn't really enjoying his time there but I kept him distracted.  I thought maybe because he still wants to sleep ( he slept till 4.30pm yesterday) so I tried giving him pacifier and his beanbag but he rejected and started to cry very loudly.  I picked him up walked around the house put him down on his chair and finally at 3pm I decided to thaw my breastmilk thinking maybe he may want to have an earlier feed.  I tried putting him back on his crib but he started crying very loudly.  I carried him and this time round it didn't soothe him.  This is the first time that when I carry him he is still crying! I started to worry that could it be because he has not poop since yesterday and struggling to past motion? Could it be wind in his stomach? Could it be he's 'siu hei' since I blogged yesterday that things are better or that when 'yeh yeh' asked whether Aston got 'kacau' or not I will always defend him saying no he is very good boy.  Yes...it came to a point where I started to be superstitious.  In the end, I didn't know what to do I bought an application from Apple called the Cry Translator.  I tested the application and it says HUNGRY! I thought hmmm.. let's see how accurate so at 3.30pm I fed Aston (my initial plan of earlier feed was 4.30pm) and all this while Aston been trying to tell me he's HUNGRY!!

He finished his milk and fell asleep immediately.  Then I recalled back how silly of me.  Of course he's hungry his last feed was at 10.30am!! I have been taking care of him for 3 months now and I still can't tell that he's hungry! I need a cry translator to tell me that he's hungry! I felt so guilty as I could have been starving my child! Poor Aston..! I'm such lousy mommy! I told myself from now on forget about what happen in the past even the day before.  Just do what's necessary to keep Aston happy!